I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
