Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
