For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
