I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
