All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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