I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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