I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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