I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
