All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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