I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
