I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
