Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
