i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
