i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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