Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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