i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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