Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
