Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
