Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
