I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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