is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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