I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
