Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
