yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Green mimosas i think yes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
