Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
