peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
