Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
