I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
