So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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