Is it normal to miss your booty call?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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