i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize