I'm going to jail i love you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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