I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
