Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
