i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He felt like a one man threesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
