Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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