My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize