I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
