haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He better not be in your backpack
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
