I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
