just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
