i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
