I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
