u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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