If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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