All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
