WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
