Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
