Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize