When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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