There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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