I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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