she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
