its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
