i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
