i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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