Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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