Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you traded sex for a burrito?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
