so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so let's talk penis.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
