We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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