It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
