I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
