Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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