I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
