We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
