last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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