11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
